Saturday, 17 October 2015

bored in bed

I an in bed listening to the footie. I had hoped to be watching it but my kindle won't play BTsport because I am in bed and my laptop is downstairs the only way I have to learn what is happening is radio, I must say at sixty minutes its still nil nil so it's not a classic. Heather is out with our eldest daughter and has just phoned to say she is bringing a Subway In for lunch. We haven't had Subway for a couple of years so I wonder what I will be getting?
Mystery at lunchtime, I doubt it will be as mysterious as why this match is nil nil. Liverpool's new manager must be wondering the same. My family will be divided by the match my grandson supporters Tottenham and my son supports Liverpool. Still it ended up as it started nil nil and I had a steak Subway. Mystery what mystery..

Saturday, 10 October 2015

how to cure loneliness

Cure loneliness, as if I could wave a magic wand and it is gone. No more panic attacks, no more biting your nails when around people, yes you can be lonely around people! No more staying away from events family parties work do' s or anywhere you have to talk to people, most lonely people actually avoid human contact. The truth is to avoid being lonely you have to want human contact. Most lonely people shun  Harman interaction. They don't feel worthy of people they feel in some way that they are not good enough to be with that person or unable to fit in with that group at work. It is easier to avoid contact than to risk rejection. And the fear of rejection is the biggest obstacle to overcome. Cure loneliness if I could cure it I would be the most popular man in my street. I can't cure it but you can! Scary ehh ?? Yes it is possible to set in place techniques to overcome the panic attacks and anxiety but you have to do that, I won't be there but you will. I can't do anything. I have no special power's I can't cure anything. Now we have established that fact you have a choice, you can close this blog and forget all about it, carry on fighting everyday. Or you can read the next instalment. I will leave the choice to you, I will write my next post in a few days which will give you a chance to think about whether you want things to change or do you want to carry on as you are.?

Wednesday, 7 October 2015

Lonely and depressed ?

I have spoken on depression and it is a seemingly endless topic to cover  and no doubt I will return to it but it is by its nature depressing. So here is another aspect which contributes to depression and that is loneliness. Say you are depressed it is possible to feel alone in a crowded room, being surrounded with laughing happy people in not a requirement to feel happy and bubbly yourself. Being around people can go a long way to alleviate loneliness but it can also trigger depression, why am I not enjoying this as much as they are, why am I not laughing and smiling? Then you feel bad about yourself and because you are beating yourself up over not being 'as good as all those happy smiling people' it feeds the paranoia, it becomes self perpetuating. Next thing you know is you avoid going to places where others will be enjoying themselves.
The avoidance manoeuvre is easy. Don't go and you don't feel bad but you do feel bad. In fact you feel doubly bab. One time bad because you didn't go and two times bad because if you had gone you would have been feeling bad because you had mad a really big effort to get there and sill you were feeling awful. This could be endless if you extrapolate further excuses might even make double or treble digits in the excuse stakes. You might even find a thousand reasons. But you know as well as I do excuses are just a lie you invent to make yourself feel good. IF THAT WERE TRUE WHY DO YOU FEEL SO AWFUL?
Yep you are even telling yourself lies to cover for the real reasons those being you are lonely and you are depressed. The hardest thing is recognising it. Then the other thing is doing something about it. If you have read this far we'll done. Yes you deserve a medal, no truly if you are seeking help to have stuck it this far and have me pointing out this stuff you are either a counsellor or you are depressed and lonely and are seeking help.

Tuesday, 6 October 2015

Depression part two

Do you believe in signs and wonders? NAHH me neither, I once went to a discussion group in a church just outside London, Harrow on the Hill I think it was. Well after listening to some bloke witter on for an hour I told him he was talking shite. Sorry for the language but it was the expression I used and I went on to tell him I had seen him speak before and I thought he had been shite then as well. I am not sure how he took my interpretation of his messages to the people he was trying to encourage because I have not seen him since, and I doubt he would seek me out to ask my opinion evidently I am brutally frank. The reason I mention this incident is two fold. I had gone to this meeting hoping to find encouragement and I think you know the answer if I ask the question "did I".
Be careful what you seek, be careful where you seek and be careful with whom you seek. I have sought answers from people who were never going to help me nor support me, the hard part is recognising that these people are harming you. Not physically not bashing you with a stick or stabbing you with a knife. No the don't leave marks or bruises, they scare you inside where it can't be seen they scar your mind. Your still as intelligent as you always have been but because they have planted seeds of doubt and you let them grow the damage is done. You can't see it, it's not visible but you are as wounded as if you had been stabbed. Instead of blood leaking out of the wound you have let the seeds grow and then insecurities have set in, instead of blood you have lost self confidence. Doubts have replaced your ability to make out that something that gave you the strength to be confident. Now instead of I can you ask yourself can I? Instead of I will your mind gives excuses why you can't. The once the self doubt creeps in you will want to be with those who reinforce the fears that you cannot do stuff. Instead of seeking those who reaffirm you time is spent in the company of those that tell you that you cannot do it they feed the fears and support your doubts feeding those seeds and growing them. They water those seeds and nurture them. Feeding them and enabling them to mature.

Monday, 5 October 2015

Lonely and depressed?

I normally listen to radio two in the mornings, Chris Evans kicks my day off fine. I turn over when Ken Bruce comes on because I can't stand him. I find him depressive not something I need in the mornings. I can listen to depressed people anywhere and I normally try and avoid them, hence my turning Ken Bruce over. I like over a quarter of the world suffer from depression but  I actually know about it. I sought treatment for my Black Dog and my GP prescribed some antidepressants. Last year I increased the dose after a spell of suffering infection after infection that kept me in bed for several week's. The antidepressants keep me on an even keel and if you are feeling a bit anxious sleek to your doctor, I often say the best two tablets I take are my antidepressants. And such a small thing as that can make my life more pleasant and bearable.
Getting back to the radio, one day last week I turned the radio on and it was tuned to radio four. I don't mind radio four I listen to the plays and try and keep up to date with the Archers. For some reason last week I hadn't tuned back into radio two and was unable to change station. My radio is the other side of my bedroom and Heather had got up early to take our eldest daughter to drop her car at the garage and then give her a lift to work. So I was stuck, I can't get out of bed without assistance and seeing I have given up falling over. I stayed put and listened to radio four and some chap babbling on about depression and people being lonely. I have got the first one of those sorted, my two little tablets ensure I am not depressed and I am never lonely. But according to the chap on the radio I am in a minority. More and more people are both depressed and lonely. An ageing population and a number of reasons people are lonely. I know people who can feel alone in a crowded room so it came as no surprise to me, but the numbers are staggering. Over twenty five per cent of adults feel lonely. And a lot of those don't see anybody often for days at a time.
Loneliness like depression is treatable but you cannot take a tablet to heal loneliness. It takes some input from you. Yes you have to do something about it. I will come back to this, I am in bed writing this and rather fancy getting some sleep. So this is part one, I will continue this soon.